There was a time when I had not done anything wrong. I didn’t cuss. I did not have any guilt. Nothing to speak of anyway. Then when we were so poor that the other kids could afford ice cream and we could not so I stole an ice cream from one of my friends at the ice cream truck and ran home and hid. I got caught of course but that was not the problem. Suddenly I was guilty at seven years old.

Guilt is a hard thing to shake. Once guilty then why not be even more guilty? It was too late anyway right? So Mark and I tried stealing from Winn Dixie. We got caught again and this time I decided that I couldn’t do that anymore. Instead I was going to be a hero. Heros were not thieves.

The army is where heroes were made. I decided that I would get an early start and make my own army. I would be General of the Army. It was a small army of course, made up of the neighborhood kids. This was well before the days in the triangle. My best soldier was Vince.

Vince was my best friend at that time. He was a special needs kid that was referred to as retarded in those days. He had a funny looking nose so people called him Pug nose. I didn’t like that at all so I would defend Vince no matter how big the bully.

He was an awesome friend. I loved him like a brother but eventually we moved away and I slowly lost contact with him. He was my best friend before guilt came into my life. By the time I was living in the triangle he was a distant memory but still his impact on me would be lasting. He never knew how much I learned from him about what it meant to find joy in the midst of tormentors and of a life that was plain unjust.

He was forgiving and kind in the face of pure evil. He was a hero. I always thought that we celebrated our heroes. Their faces would end up on money or something. Vince passed through this life nearly unsung. The impressions of his footprints would vanish as quickly as they fell and no memory of him will outlive those that knew him.

The vanishing of a hero lost to time and tide. But in heaven he would no longer be Pug Nose. He would be sitting at the right hand of God judging those that picked on him. I know for sure that God holds us accountable for our evil deeds and our guilt will come full circle. But Vince would likely forgive them all. His innocence outlasted all of those that thought they were better than him.

Having a friend like him is one of the greatest blessings in this life. I only wished that I had really known that at the time and even later when I could still show him my appreciation.

All of us are guilty of something. We can just do the best we can with that and move on and try to do better. I was just 12 years old the first time I saw Old Man Blanchard and I already felt bad about myself. He had to be 60. He must have a whole bunch of things to feel bad about.

As he told me later, “Tiger, none of us escape this life unscathed. We all will have wounds both seen and unseen. The best thing you can do with your life is to help others heal theirs. That is a life well lived.” What I didn’t know was that Old Man Blanchard was doing just that very thing in his own way. He was helping all of us to heal. Maybe we were helping him too?

I have forgotten what it was like to have never done anything wrong. But I did eventually find out what it means to be forgiven. That I remember well.